Romo Receives Contract Extension; Favre Finally Allowed to Retire
(AP)
“We couldn’t have found a better guy to succeed the legendarily scrappy Brett Favre,” Goodell said, with the Cowboys’ All-American single star logo behind him. “Tony is a fine successor to Brett’s scrappy legacy, and we will be honored to have him as the league’s poster boy white, protestant gun-slinger in to the next decade.”
Goddell cited Romo’s humble upbringings, small college grooming, scrambling ability and extreme white-ness as further support for the league’s decision to pin its marketing efforts for the next five years on his shoulders.
Romo took over for struggling Cowboys QB Drew Bledsoe midway through the 2006 season after barely making the
While full details of the contract extension have not been made available, Goodell did make clear that, after years of debating the move, Packers QB Brett Favre would finally be allowed to retire.
“Brett Favre has been scrappy for over 250 consecutive games, and has really set the standard by which all future gunslingers will be defined” Goodell said. He then added, “Brett is also exceptionally white.”
Favre, who was hunting grouse with his bare hands, was unavailable for comment.
The new marketing plan was not met without criticism, however, as some questioned whether Romo was indeed a worthy successor to Favre’s scrappy mantle.
“This is ludicrous, Brett has already shown this year that he has plenty of gunslinging left in him” said Favre’s representative,
Both Favre and Romo have, by virtue of their inimitable John Wayne-cowboy like personalities, led their teams to undefeated 4-0 records in 2007. Hutchins suggested displacing the Super Bowl with one “Scrappy Bowl”, which would pit Romo and Favre in a decathlon of sorts, combining their talents at running the two-minute drill and growing facial hair in to one made-for-TV event. Goodell would not comment on the plan.
Although the plan has his critics, there are plenty of NFL fans eager for Romo to take the helm from Favre. Various Cowboy fans gathered at the event expressed pride at Romo’s decision to date pretty, but not too pretty country star Carrie Underwood. Underwood is seen by most NFL fans as an attractive, but in no way threatening or sexual romantic option, like one that might befit more successful but less scrappy quarterbacks such as
Hitchins also pointed to the ill-fated move to replace Lawrence Taylor with Ray Lewis as the league’s “Killer Linebacker” as evidence that occasionally, these plans backfire. Critics of the linebacker plan often that debacle, when the league sought to replace LT, who always appeared on the verge of killing his opponents, with Lewis, who actually went on to murder someone.
According to Goodell, several quarterbacks have been considered for the post in the previous five years since Favre began to visibly age. According to Goodell, the NFL at one point considered Jeff Garcia, Jake Delhomme and Ben Roethlisberger were considered for the scrappy title. Goodell also mentioned that Jay Cutler had been given strong consideration because of his gentle Southern drawl and propensity for throwing back breaking interceptions.
“Ultimately, the decision was very easy,” said Goodell. “We found plenty of quarterbacks that were either scrappy or gunslingers, but until Tony, we hadn’t found one who combined those two adjectives so successfully.”
ESPN’s Chris Berman expressed special excitement at Romo’s promotion because of the natural conduciveness of Romo’s surname to creating mind-numbing nicknames for use on the long-running NFL Live.
“It’s absolutely poifect,” Berman said in his oft-deployed Yosemite Sam impersonation. “There’s ‘Tony When in Romo’, ‘Tony Romo Wasn’t Built in a Day’…I might even crazy now and then and bust out ‘Tony Romo Is Burning’!”
Goodell said that everyone in the league was very grateful this long process was over, so that the league could move on to finding a Latino or Asian head coach that could soon become the first to represent his race in the Super Bowl.
“This has been a taxing but rewarding process,” Goodell said beleaguredly. “Ultimately, we’re all just happy Brett can finally retire in peace.”
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