Beer Busters Power Rankings: Week Four

Deuce is done, the Saints are ain’ts, the Pack is back, and the Texans might just be fo’ real. How does this all relate to our fantasy existences? Find out, ‘sons’:

1. Skillz Playaz Clubb – The cream always rises to the top, and what is Stojak, if not creamy? He’s outscored 2^nd place by 12 ppg, so only a tard wouldn’t have him #1 at this point. I still maintain that the bench is weak, but Brady, Addai, Parker and Joey Galloway are all performing about as well as you could expect them to at this point. With Kevin Curtis starting to get open as Meiser’s wallet at the mechanic, maybe the WR depth isn’t a problem.

2. Bomb 1^st on U Fakeass Bitches – God, I should rank you 12^th for just the name. Apparently Richard handling drafting while letting an 11 year old child with Down’s Syndrome text message his team name. Regardless, the RBs have sucked, but can only get better from here. Tony Romo is “filling in” for the weak RBs (Romo = Homo), but for now, the mystique is gone from the team formerly known as Dynasty.

3. Vick’s Bitches – Ok, so Josh is 0-3, but let’s not get crazy. This is still a loaded team that has quality depth at RB and WR. Gore, Portis and Ahman Green are a nice triumvirate of RBs, and name another roster that has the WR depth of Fitz, Santonio, D-Jackson, Isaac Bruuuuuce, and Derrick Mason? That kind of depth will help during injuries and bye weeks, and Leichtner’s receiving corps goes 5-deep better than anyone in the league, although that’s more than I can say for his cock.

4. The Dynasty is One and Done – What a busy week at Sigma Alpha Mneh! Marc Bulger got hurt, Shaun Alexander broke his wrist, Chris Chambers plead guilty to reckless driving, TO dazzled on MNF, and Adrian Peterson was really stuffed after eating three Chiefs linebackers. Louis could make a case for being ranked higher, but with the injury questions at the top of the lineup, I’m hesitant to go higher. Quick poll: with Bulger, Shaun Alexander, and TO, does Louis have the league’s three most likely closet homosexuals?

5. K. Lansing Owns Rich – The RB corps is the league’s deepest, with 4 of the top 19 performers to date, and the Kitna pick up is looking strong. But there’s still one problem: Eric needs a WR to put him in the league’s upper echelon. Eric needs TJ Houshmanzadeh. Eric needs to trade me Edge James for TJ Houshmanzadeh and a 5^th round pick. Eric is going to let the droids pass.

6. Team Golden – Everything’s come up Milhouse for me, as my stiffest (heh heh – stiffest) competition for the 3 hole in division one keeps losing, and some of my bench prospects are coming alive (Greg Jennings, Greg Olsen). However, I’m going to need to get a lot better at RB to contend this season. See above for how I plan to do that.

7. LA Fried Prawns – This week, in “John and Vince”, Lowenthal tours New Orleans’ ravaged 9^th ward with Vince Young and Suzy Kolber while Vince gives hope to the homeless children by playing catch in front of their temporary trailer park homes. After the Titans impressive Monday win, Lowenthal tells Suzy what a “special kid” Vince has always been, and then tells her how much he’d like to kiss her. Oh wait, that’s Joe Namath.

8. Team Meiser – I still don’t know what to make of this team. Team Meiser looks more solid than all the squads below, but I’m afraid to hop on the wagon, because this team’s about one bad week away from becoming a jalopy. Reggie Bush is going to get a lot more touches now with Deuce’s injury, but who knows if the yardage will go up or down? Rudi got dinged Saturday and if the Bears go in to total meltdown mode, the injuries could really make this unit mediocre.

9. Saint Louis Stoners – Yeah, this team might actually have a chance to see the playoffs in the subpar division two, especially if Brian Westbrook keeps producing. Peyton is steady as she goes under center, and Wes Welker looks like a mortal lock for this year’s Ed McCaffrey/John Lynch/Steve Tasker for “Short Scrappy Blue-Collar White Guy the Media Goes Absolutely Nuts Over But Really Isn’t That Good”

10. Windy City Workhorses – I don’t think there’s a single guy on Evan’s roster who isn’t underperforming, meaning this is a stock you ought to buy while its this low. Drew Brees, Donald Driver and Bernie Berrian can only get better but Evan will still have expansionitis (lack of good running backs).

11. San Francisco 48ers – Robertson’s squad looks like a Medivac chopper coming out of Baghdad, with Brandon Jacobs, Chester Taylor and Andre Johnson all on crutches, and Kevin Jones, Jay Cutler home sick with a persistent case of the “Probables”. My complaint that kickers should not be named Nugent still stands.

12. Those Words Hurt – Shame on you, Elkin. 200 points in three games? 0-3? Worse than Robertson’s walking cemetery? Disgraceful. Now take those words, and picture how harsh they’d be if you were black.